The Birthday Boy

Ben turned four years-old yesterday. Four. How did that happen? I know it's a tired old thing that all mothers say, but it's so true. I guess that's why all mothers say it huh?

In some ways the past four years have dragged with Ben. It's not been an easy road for him or for us. We had some really hard difficult times, and some really superb amazing times too. So many changes in just four short years. I was in HS for four years and that flew by. The first four years of being married is a blur of happiness and joy that went by in the blink of an eye. The first four years of Ben's life have been a gift but one that has come with a high price at times. It's always been worth it, every minute of it. So I wish I could say that the years have flown by but they really haven't. I am still amazed that he is four years-old though. My little guy is getting bigger and bigger.

Ben had a WONDERFUL birthday. This is the first year that he really GOT it. He got it that it was HIS birthday and that it was a really special day and that he was the center of the universe for that day... it was all about him and he was loving it... I mean seriously just over the moon happy. It was so awesome to see him like that. He kept saying "My buffday" and talking about presents and saying he was going to have HIS cake. It made my heart sing with joy to see him so filled with joy and happiness himself. When we first got up in the morning I asked Ben how old he was and he beemed with pride and yelled "FOUR" and he held up four little fingers. Yeah... those are the moments that make life worth living.

We got Subway for dinner because as luck would have it the McD's in town is temporarily closed for renovations. Ben likes Subway too and loves that he can get BBQ chips so he was fine with that. We even let him drink soda . He picked out chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and I made that for his special day. We had our dinner and called Nana on the phone and did a video conference so she could see Ben on his big day! Then we did cake and presents and Ben was overjoyed. He got a TON of Lightning McQueen toys and some fingerpaints and a movie (Space Chimps). He also got a Spiderman 3-wheeled scooter from Nana and Granpa that he is totally in love with. He was very very happy with his haul :)

I let him stay up late last night and he cuddled up against me with his new plush Lightning McQueen that says things when you smash him on things and we talked. I told him about the day he was born and how they had to take special care of him and how I finally was able to go see him late and night and they let me hold him. I told him about how I held him and kissed him and put his cheek up to mine so he could feel me close. I told him about how I nursed him and burped him and we both fell asleep skin to skin with him feeling safe and loved. Then I told him that the nurses told me I had to put him back and how that made Mami feel sad... and he stroked my cheek and said quietly "me too." It was one of those amazing moments you never forget I think. I know he didn't really understand the whole situation but he understood that him being away from me made me sad... and he knew the idea of it made him sad too. I love that boy so very much.

He stayed in my lap for a long time until Daddy told him it was WAY past his bedtime it was time to go to bed. He said to Daddy "No, sleep on Mama. Buffday." He wanted to sleep with Mama... it was his birthday after all. Daddy didn't fall for it and Ben went up with his plush McQueen and fell asleep within seconds he was so worn out after his big day.

It was a very good day. It was a great day. A really great day.

Ben, 3/24/05

Ben (and all his sibs), 3/24/09
you've come a long way baby!

New IEP

Ben's turning 4 years old this month. Wow. The time goes so fast in some ways... and achingly slow in other ways. So at the end of the month my little fella is gonna be four. Amazing.

Today was our PPT meeting to discuss Ben's new IEP for the upcoming year, and to go over his IEP from last year and see what goals he met and which ones he didn't. I always dread these kinds of meetings, I don't have a thick skin where Ben is concerned... I wonder if I ever will. So I was nervous but hopeful this morning as we managed to get six kids up, dressed, fed, cleaned, and out the door by 8:10am.

The meeting went well I think. Kit, fortunately, was an absolute angel. She was a little intimidated by the fact that there was a "school staff" person, Ben's classroom teacher, and 3 therapists (PT, OT, ST) all in the room so she clung to Mami and before I knew it she was sound asleep on my shoulder. PERFECT!!!

Anyway, Ben.... his teacher wrote up a report on what his days are generally like. Going from when he arrives on the bus to putting his stuff away to circle time to specials to playtime and all through his day to the point they put him back on the bus to come home. I really enjoyed that. I had a general idea of what Ben did in school all day... I know that he gets there and hangs up his coat and puts away his snack and hangs up his backpack (his NEW Lightning McQueen backpack!) and that they did circle time and sang songs. I know what days he has what specials for the day (gym, library, art, music, etc). I know that he has PT, ST, and OT on different days and some days with another little boy and some days w/o. So I basically knew but it was wonderful to have it all spelled out on paper and hear his teacher tell me how Ben participates and what he can and cannot do and how he's doing more and more. It was wonderful to hear that he's playing with the other children more and interacting with them. It was wonderful to hear that he plays with the toys now and gets involved and LOVES to "get silly" and roughhouse a little bit from time to time. It was AMAZING to hear that he actually sings along to some of the songs they do during circle time (because I can't ever get him to sing along with me at home, he'll only do the finger-plays). It was good for me to hear that he can do things that I didn't know he could do and that he's more capable than I give him credit for maybe... and that maybe Mami needs to learn to push him a little harder. The best part was hearing from his classroom teacher that Ben is, in her words, a JOY. That is what brought a tear to my eyes. To hear her say what a love he is, and how loved he is by the other children, and how he loves to hug and smiles his huge welcoming smile when his therapists come into the room... and how he's so well behaved and so "game" -- he never says no... he never stops trying... he never gives up and he's always willing to at least try when his teachers or therapists ask something of him. I mean... just WOW. That was my moment when it felt like on this bitter cold March day the sun came out and warmed my soul and my spirit. It felt GOOD... I mean really really good in a way that I can't even begin to describe. Imagine the best feeling you've ever felt... then multiply 10 fold. Yeah, that's the stuff.

Ben's ST is thrilled with his progress and told us that he is just making huge leaps in his verbal skills and his ability to communicate. Not news to us. We knew that. We have been impressed time and again lately with his ability to communicate with us and talk to us. It's nice to have a professional back up what we're seeing day to day, but it wasn't news... it was just nice to have acknowledgment of Ben's hard work and perseverance.

As for OT and PT it also wasn't big news for us but it wasn't as good news. Ben is always moving forward, slowly, very slowly... but always forward. His PT and OT both feel that while he's not progressing as fast as they'd like to see they see that he is always trying and is learning the routines and is moving at his very own "Ben-Time." So they'd like to see him doing more but that's okay... heck Patch and Gregory were "typical" kids and when it came to physical things they were both way behind. I figure between Ben's brain injury and simply the fact that he is OUR son the physical stuff will come later. I'm okay with that.

Ben is being recommended for the summer program again this year. I have mixed feelings about it but admit that it is probably in Ben's best interest so he'll go. Next year he'll start the 4 y/o program and he'll be going to school in the afternoons 5 days a week instead of 4 mornings a week like now. Again... I have mixed feelings about that but will of course do it for Ben knowing it's best for him. I think I'm gonna miss that little goober like crazy though.

Ben's moving forward. Always striving, always fighting, always persevering and working hard. I am in awe of that little guy. My baby boy is turning 4 very soon.