Ben turned four years-old yesterday. Four. How did that happen? I know it's a tired old thing that all mothers say, but it's so true. I guess that's why all mothers say it huh?
In some ways the past four years have dragged with Ben. It's not been an easy road for him or for us. We had some really hard difficult times, and some really superb amazing times too. So many changes in just four short years. I was in HS for four years and that flew by. The first four years of being married is a blur of happiness and joy that went by in the blink of an eye. The first four years of Ben's life have been a gift but one that has come with a high price at times. It's always been worth it, every minute of it. So I wish I could say that the years have flown by but they really haven't. I am still amazed that he is four years-old though. My little guy is getting bigger and bigger.
Ben had a WONDERFUL birthday. This is the first year that he really GOT it. He got it that it was HIS birthday and that it was a really special day and that he was the center of the universe for that day... it was all about him and he was loving it... I mean seriously just over the moon happy. It was so awesome to see him like that. He kept saying "My buffday" and talking about presents and saying he was going to have HIS cake. It made my heart sing with joy to see him so filled with joy and happiness himself. When we first got up in the morning I asked Ben how old he was and he beemed with pride and yelled "FOUR" and he held up four little fingers. Yeah... those are the moments that make life worth living.
We got Subway for dinner because as luck would have it the McD's in town is temporarily closed for renovations. Ben likes Subway too and loves that he can get BBQ chips so he was fine with that. We even let him drink soda . He picked out chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and I made that for his special day. We had our dinner and called Nana on the phone and did a video conference so she could see Ben on his big day! Then we did cake and presents and Ben was overjoyed. He got a TON of Lightning McQueen toys and some fingerpaints and a movie (Space Chimps). He also got a Spiderman 3-wheeled scooter from Nana and Granpa that he is totally in love with. He was very very happy with his haul :)
I let him stay up late last night and he cuddled up against me with his new plush Lightning McQueen that says things when you smash him on things and we talked. I told him about the day he was born and how they had to take special care of him and how I finally was able to go see him late and night and they let me hold him. I told him about how I held him and kissed him and put his cheek up to mine so he could feel me close. I told him about how I nursed him and burped him and we both fell asleep skin to skin with him feeling safe and loved. Then I told him that the nurses told me I had to put him back and how that made Mami feel sad... and he stroked my cheek and said quietly "me too." It was one of those amazing moments you never forget I think. I know he didn't really understand the whole situation but he understood that him being away from me made me sad... and he knew the idea of it made him sad too. I love that boy so very much.
He stayed in my lap for a long time until Daddy told him it was WAY past his bedtime it was time to go to bed. He said to Daddy "No, sleep on Mama. Buffday." He wanted to sleep with Mama... it was his birthday after all. Daddy didn't fall for it and Ben went up with his plush McQueen and fell asleep within seconds he was so worn out after his big day.
It was a very good day. It was a great day. A really great day.
Ben, 3/24/05
Ben (and all his sibs), 3/24/09
you've come a long way baby!
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